Dear Hagrid: A letter to the best Hogwarts teacher ever
Please find enclosed in this parcel the following:
1. An extra-large Kong toy for Fang (the packaging says it’s for tough chewers)
2. A Horntail dragon’s egg (I hear they make far better pets than Norwegian Ridgebacks)
3. A brown ostrich feather jacket (it’s quite becoming really, and I think Madame Maxime will fancy you in it)
Allow me, dear professor, to apologize for the delayed delivery. As it turns out this parcel was too big for even the hardiest of owls, and for some reason, Buckbeak won’t bow to me—and I was just too afraid to give him the package otherwise. So yes, I had to resort to Muggle post to deliver this package as far as Hogsmeade, and from there, it was hand-delivered by some villager or another. Please do check that nothing is missing… By now I’m sure your birthday has passed, so a very happy belated birthday, old friend and trusted mentor!
It’s been 9 years since I graduated from Hogwarts. I was a Ravenclaw and, of course, a Prefect. I will say that I single-handedly wrested the House Cup from Gryffindor in the year of the great Quidditch match between Bulgaria and our lovely home country.
Am I bragging? No, never, simply stating the facts.
So why, dear professor, have I chosen to write to you after all this time? Well, I do feel that I have a thing or two to say about recent disturbances at Hogwarts, particularly those surrounding a few choice Gryffindors (it’s always the Gryffindors—unless, of course, it’s the Slytherins).
Hagrid—please allow me to address you informally, for I feel we became close during my time at the academy—I am concerned about you. I stay up late at night, actually, and I worry for your well-being. I understand that you are a very strong and courageous half-giant and that you must be well-versed in taking care of yourself. However…
This Harry Potter, he presents new dangers.
I’ve always looked up to you because of your good nature and your affinity for animals—animals are good judges of characters, are they not? But now I feel that these very qualities I so admire in you may be putting you at risk for a greater harm.
Sure, Harry Potter, the boy who lived, a wizarding legend! Yes, yes, we know. But have you seen how danger just finds him? Somehow He-who-must-not-be-named or one of his minions is always lurking in Harry Potter’s shadow.
I hate to play this card, but I heard about what happened with Fluffy. A few mugs of mead and a dragon’s egg, and you told Hogwarts’ deepest secrets to the dark lord himself. Tut, tut, Hagrid.
I know you didn’t mean any harm by it, but look at what happened!
Dearest professor, pray take caution. Hogwarts would be at a tremendous loss ‘twere they to lose you.
With warmest regards and sincerest fondness,