Normally, with today being Monday and all, I would post a Dad-At-Home blog about fatherhood or some other weird thing about being a parent. These blogs are created several weeks out and scheduled, because let’s face it, time isn’t something I have in abundance, so I write what I can when I can.
Today however, I’m going to have to forego my normal blog series. You see, last week, Phoenix got her two month vaccines. In and of itself, no big deal. However, since then, she has been feeling a little under the weather. (All completely normal, just some soreness and a low grade fever.)
Now for those of you that have been through having a sick infant, you know what that means. For those of you that haven’t, I’ll present it in two ways, A and B. A is for those of you who still remember rabbit ears on televisions and B is for all of you punk kids out there (and stay off my lawn!).
A- A Sick Baby is like rabbit ears on a TV. Well, picture’s out on the TV. Got that really loud static sound and no picture. Try to fix it by changing where the rabbit ears sit. Hmm, now adjust the antennae. A little better for a time, but it still goes bad. Well, let’s see if we can boost that by wrapping it in aluminum foil. Now if you just hold the rabbit ears in one hand while one hand is on the TV and your leg is raised to a 37 degree angle, ah-ha! Picture is restored. But don’t you move an inch or you’ll have to start from scratch. Yup, a sick baby is exactly like that. And takes a lot more aluminum foil to wrap.
B- A Sick Baby is like a crappy cell phone. No signal. And you’re at home. Using your arm like a mystical dowsing rod for cell phone reception, you scan every corner of your house like Egon from the Ghostbusters (oops, old reference, but you kids don’t have a good equivalent.). A slight blink of a bar sends you scurrying up your bookcase. Not quite a good enough signal, so balanced on one foot, (I would make a Karate Kid reference here, but I don’t want you accidentally picturing Jayden Smith instead of Ralph Machio) you step out onto the windowsill. Still without a great signal you remove your belt and use it like a whip… I also would have made an Indiana Jones reference, but, well, Crystal Skull was…What’s with you kids and ruining perfectly good movie franchises? You know what? Forget it! You don’t get a good analogy! Sick babies are rabbit ears end of story. The end. I don’t care that you think rabbit ears refers to Bugs Bunny. I’m tired with a backlog of chores to get to. I mean, it’s the 23rd of December and I still don’t have my tree up. Not that this is your fault per say, but… what was I saying? Oh yeah, a sick baby is just like that. (Yes. Just. Like. That. So all of you kids out there trying to get on 16 and pregnant, think very carefully about what you are getting into.)
Ahh, now that everyone is on the same metaphoric page, sick babies are just like that. Frustrating and difficult with a strong possibility that you will damage yourself or something else while trying to care for them. You have your outdated ritual that works, some time, so you cling to it in the hopes that this time will be quick and painless.