The Next Olympic Sport?

Pole Dancing, the Next Olympic Sport

It’s weird, in my lifetime, I have watched (sometimes literally) as pole dancing moved from darkened strip clubs into the glaring light of gyms and fitness classes. But, it’s not weird bad, but weird good.

Okay, hear me out. Pole dancing is becoming more and more of an art form. The amount of athleticism and skill that it takes to master pole dancing is staggering to me. And that brings me to my point.

The Olympics are humbling for me to watch. In fact, I feel like they humble every guy. Why? Because, when guys watch normal sports, there’s always the thought, whether subconscious or not, that we could do what these athletes do. You hear the phrase “Pshaw, must be nice to get paid millions of dollars to play a game.” Because that’s what it is to guys, a game we used to play.  But the Olympics? Forget about it. Before we manage to scoff in contempt, some fourteen-year-old girl has done a triple flip with a twist as a part of her first pass on the floor. That level of athleticism scares us on some level. That’s why I think pole dancing needs to be an Olympic sport.

Okay, sure we’ll have to class it up a bit. Instead of pole dancing, it can be the vertical bar or bars… Yes, just think about it. We could set up a couple bars and then there would be cool transitions from one bar to the next like with the uneven bars. There would have to be some mounts and dismounts thrown in for good measure. Choreography would be improved, with elaborate numbers made possible by crazy Russian coaches, because every Olympic sport needs crazy Russian coaches. Some things would have to change like there couldn’t be a tip rail at the Olympics, and obviously the outfits would be a bit more conservative compared to their strip club origins.

Speaking of strip clubs again, this would also bump up the level of entertainment there. Now, it’s not just helping Candy pay her way through college; it’s supporting the dreams of an Olympic athlete. It’s like watching a minor league baseball game and scouting who you thought could go pro. Sure, America might start off with a slight advantage, but from what I understand, Canada and Russia would give us a run for our money, right out of the gate.

Some might think of this as sexist, to those people, I’m sorry. But with all the people now finding their passions in a pole dancing club and owning something that was recently considered taboo, why shouldn’t this sport be celebrated instead of condemned? Maybe you think this shouldn’t be a sport at all and should’ve stayed in the darkened rooms of blue smoke and lascivious voyeurs. But it’s out here now. It’s here to stay. People are innovating the sport. People are showing off some cool things through Instagram and Vine and animated GIFs. And I for one, just want to see the next logical step in this progression.

Or maybe you feel like we shouldn’t be adding to the number of sport in the Olympics because it’s an ancient and honored tradition very set in its ways. But, they’ve been mixing up sports for a long time in the Olympics. As a matter of fact, they’re adding Rugby Sevens to the 2016 and 2020 Summer Olympics. So why not add the Vertical Bars?

Thoughts? Am I crazy? Or does this seem like an interesting thing to add? Do you think it could get a younger crowd more interested in the Olympics? Let me know in the comments.

Mr. Storm

Wearing his geek badge with pride, Falcon can't get enough video games, comics, or movies, which is probably why he writes Science Fiction and Fantasy with his own quirky twists.